This morning I went for a run. I have just started running and it is hard. I have to force myself to don my joggers and my pitiful excuse for running gear (torn leggings and an old singlet) and get out the door. I have to force myself for the sake of my mental health, to run off some of the tension bubbling away inside of me.
But it is hard.
It is hard getting through a run like it is hard getting through the days. And that is hard because life is hard. I have the most beautiful kids in the world, and I live in a lovely apartment, and my parents are unbelievably supportive, and I have a handful of amazing, loyal friends who keep me buoyant. I love my work and I love my cat and I am lucky enough to have relatively good health.
I am lucky, but it is hard.
It is hard being a (newly) single mother of three kids. It is hard dealing with the myriad of financial challenges that presents. And it is hard coping with the dozens of other hurts and sadnesses and worries and confusions and fears that are too personal and private to write about, but that you would all relate to, because we all go through them.
Yesterday I heard some terrible news. An online friend lost her husband, a vibrant, healthy young man. He died suddenly and tragically. It is awful, just awful. It is not my tragedy. It is not my family. But it devastated me. It brought back home the fragility and unpredictability of life. I am so sad for my frined. I am so sad for my own parents, who lost their daughter nearly six years ago now.
It is hard. It is all hard. But this morning, I went for my run. It started to rain when I was about five minutes into it, and the water was hitting my face, and I had to blink away the raindrops, and I was cold and wet and my legs were hurting. But I pushed through, because I had promised myself that I would. And then one of my favourite songs came on my iPod* and I suddenly got that rush of endorphins, and I surged forward, and I felt good, really good. I finished the run and I am sitting here now, tired and hungry and wet, but with an enormous sense of accomplishment.
And that is what I will continue to do, today, tomorrow, and every day. I will push through. I will push through as you will all push through, because that's what we do, because that is life. And there will be good moments and bad moments and absolutely fantastic moments and moments that are really fucking awful. But we will push through them all.
Wet and cold and tired, but with an enormous sense of accomplishment. We will push through.
*My Life (50 Cent feat Eminem & Adam Levine). Awesome.