So I made my New Year's Resolution. I wasn't going to, but it came to me in a mighty burst of inspiration.
Next year, in 2014, I am not going to make a single mistake.
Yes, it is true. I actually made that resolution. No more mistakes. I will do everything right. My world will be in order. My decisions will be sound. My reactions will be measured. I will think before I speak.
I will be absolutely careful in all areas of my life. And thus I will shield myself from pain, I will envelope myself in good fortune, and I will be bathed in light and joy and laughter from here to eternity.
And as you lie on the floor laughing at the insanity of my resolution, know that an hour after I made the resolution, I figured that out for myself.
Not make any mistakes. Not. Make. Any. Mistakes. Can you imagine? How on earth can I stop myself from making mistakes? How can any of us stop ourselves from fucking up?
I have made a thousand mistakes over the past 45 years. I have smashed my car, yelled at my children, worn a pink drop-waisted dress with puffy sleeves. I have said some ridiculous things in public, and even stupider things in private. I've disclosed way too much to the wrong people, and held back from speaking up when I should have had a voice. I've shed buckets of tears for people who weren't worth it, and taken way too long to discover the people who were.
I've misjudged and over-reacted. I've spoken without thinking and under-performed. I've acted on impulse and overthought and done pretty much everything in between.
I've been wrong a thousand times or more and it has led me right to here.
But here is not a terrible place at all. Here is quite a lovely place to be. And even if it wasn't nice it wouldn't matter, because I can't stop myself from making mistakes. I will never be perfect. You will never be perfect. Life will never be perfect, for any of us. All we can do is plough on and lead the best lives we can, day by day by day by day.
And stop making utterly ridiculous resolutions. Now that's one mistake I won't make again.