I am picked up by a chauffeured limousine and driven to the airport in air-conditioned comfort. I board my flight and am shown to my first class seat where I enjoy a gourmet cheeseburger and chips whilst watching brand new episodes of The Big Bang Theory and some new movie starring absolutely everyone.
And then I land in a stunning resort, where I sit by the pool reading
But there will be a resort. A Thai resort. With a kids' club, and a pool, and an endless buffet, and a big bed in an air conditioned room. And I shall sit by the pool reading my
It will be heaven.
So for now, this blog is going on holidays. I full expect to be back on board in a couple of weeks, but if I'm not, rest assured that I am safe and happy, having moved permanently to Thailand, where I shall earn my keep by writing blog posts for the locals, entertaining tourists with my famous interpretive dances, and hiring out my children for a dollar per hour to massage people's feet.
Or, of course, I could have expired from hunger, boredom and fear on the very, very basic Jetstar flight. In which case I bequeath this blog to Lana Hirschowitz and I bid you all farewell.